Choose your habits.

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I’ve noticed lately that I, along with some others, tend to shy away from the things in our life that are difficult or challenging.  As I look back at some of these complications that I deal with in my life, I find that often they occur in areas of personal weakness.  With even more thought, I began to conclude that reoccurring misfortune in these areas is a good indication that I need to focus more intently on developing the skills required to overcome some of my natural shortcomings.  We all have widely different variety of skills that come naturally to us, and in contrast to that, we all have concepts that we don’t excel at.

I figure the best course of action when I’ve identified flaws in myself, is to set up a detailed set of actions that I can use to adjust my character.  Bad habits are difficult to break, but it is the ability of the human mind to develope habits that ultimately gives us the ability to adjust our thoughts and actions, and maintain those adjustments over time.  In order to do this we must first be fully aware of what exactly we are doing to cause the unwanted results.  It might be a negative thought that we continually associate with a particular person, place, or activity.  It might be particular words we use repetitively when talking to a certain person, or about a specific topic.  Either of these can bring general unhappiness to our life that exceeds the logical need for sadness.

In the case of a continuing negative thought, we might feel stress or uneasiness at work each day we walk in the door.  First off, if this is the case, we might consider what occupational choices might avoid this feeling from arising.  However, in situations where your option to pursue a different career is not available, the feeling of unhappiness is no longer logically necessary.  At this point, it is only making your life more difficult to spend your day with discontent.  It will more than likely affect your relationships with coworkers and strangers, even friends or family, in a negative way.  So here is where we start to develope the habit that will allow us to make a change.  Slowly force yourself to focus on the positive aspects of your job.  These will more than likely involve the reasons why you haven’t up and left already: you make a good living for yourself and your family, your job is close to home, you are developing skill you wish to use in other areas of your life.  Whatever the reasons may be, if you continue to replace the negative, with positive, you will start to develop a habit of viewing the situation in that way.  We all know how long it takes to develope bad habits, well the good news, is that good habits are just as easy to create.  In areas of your life that have turned out happily without effort, it is because you subconsciously developed good habits that avoid difficulties others might experience . Once the habits are created, the work is over.  All there is left to do now is enjoy the results of your effort, as the good habit starts to become more and more who you are.

In the example of particular words or tones that are being used in discussion with a frustrating person or topic, I’ve noticed that many times people say things that unintentionally cause situations of difficulty.  You might have a struggle with someone you talk to on a regular basis, simply because you are failing to present your thoughts in a way that consistent with their perspective.  Now, Im not saying that we shouldn’t say how we feel, but sometimes how we say it can make all the difference.  To overcome these challenges, we need to identify what is needed to relate, and understand that individual.  Try to mimic the tone or verbage an individual uses to communicate their ideas with you, while accurately maintaining the concept that your are trying to convey.  It is challenging at first and takes time and effort, but if we develope the habit of relating to others in this way, soon we develop a skill that is very valuable.  As we get more and more practice, the process of identifying people’s perspective, and communicating with them accurately, becomes second nature and takes less time.  Take the time to learn  how to communicate efficiently with the people you interact with, so you can prepare specific tone and language quickly in conversation that avoids a negative perception of you from others.  These are just simple examples of how our pursuit of habits can make our life easier.  If we invest our time into developing these mental systems, our habits will do the rest of the work for us.  I try to prioritize my stress, and work on the issues that cause me the most unhappiness first.  The things that you choose to focus on are completely up to you, but remember that you are not a victim of circumstance unless you choose not to act.

Related Articles

• Truth About Bad Habits – How They are Acquired (socyberty.com)
• The importance of enjoying the habit (zenhabits.net)
• How to Create Daily Habits as Consistent as Brushing your Teeth – Life Evolver (lifeevolver.com)